I am determined to learn new ways of coping with stress and finding self-love and bliss. Yup. There. I said it. As part of some major life shifts I'm making, a week ago I made a commitment: I joined a yoga studio and challenged myself to go to one class, every day, for a full month (with one day off per week).
Right now it isn't so blissful. My hamstrings hurt with every single step I take, my upper back is tweaking out from so much good posture, and most days I have to practically drag myself by my hair to show up and roll out my mat.
I guess when I signed up, I thought it would be a light-switch. I thought I'd show up on day one and be bathed in golden light and instantly be blessed with infinite flexibility and core strength. You know what I was instantly blessed with? $80 leggings from Lulu Lemon that just after cutting the tag I realized are way too big on me. Yup. Nothing says bliss like over-priced yoga pants, baggy in all the wrong places, right?
But here's the thing: I made this commitment and I am determined to see it through. And for all the awkwardness that this new adventure has delivered, there have been incredible moments peppered here and there. Moments where I could cry with how beautiful and graceful it all is.
As week 1 comes to a close, I can report that I cannot touch the floor in forward fold, I cannot sit on my fanny with my legs out straight, and I cannot lie in shavasana for more than two minutes (seconds!) without my to-do list creeping in. BUT there are some pretty amazing gifts I've unwrapped as well.
I have fallen in love with my lungs, my heart and my ujjayi breath. I am getting better at carving out an hour a day to be kid-free and just focus on myself without feeling completely crushed by guilt. AND I sleep for at least 9 hours every single night. Which is like, WOAH.
I'm not really sure why I am sharing this on here except to say that in my experience, new habits feel kind of not awesome at first. Change is not always a graceful swan dive into crystal clear blue waters. In my case, with this whole yoga thing, it's a total sideways, forgot to plug my nose, belly flop. But I'm still showing up and I'm still carrying a heart filled to the brim with hope. Flashbacks to saggy-elephant-ankle-tights-in-third-grade and all.