That Giveaway

"On the eve of the 6th revolution around the sun...thoughts are all about her bones. I have a beautiful urn full of them. A small vile full of them. An even smaller glass tube, full of her ashes mixed with teeny, tiny baby bones. This is where my thoughts are on this night, that 6 years ago. I walked a deep and earthly path working harmoniously with my baby. Long, extensive slow walks, circled hips, deep guttering groans...until the beat just stopped. Even today, in this moment, I can feel the silence as shock overcame my body. A deep and wise knowing of death. The kind that you don't want to understand." -Erin Long


So, we held this giveaway earlier this year.

And this person won.

And I've been carrying around this story in my heart since that day, when Braedon pulled that name. And tonight, I'm going to share.

It wasn't just a contest with a winner.

The truth is, that trip in the mountains was never meant for a giveaway. Thomas and I booked a family trip to the mountains completely forgetting we had someplace else to be that day. The other plans weren't anything super important, but in our hearts we didn't want to cancel since we had already said yes.

So there we were, with this awesome trip all paid for in our laps.

I thought of people we could give it to, and I came super close to picking up my phone a few times and just giving it to friends. But when I was quiet in my Knowing, I heard this whisper. It kept saying, "She is out there. The person who needs this fresh air, she's out there. Find her. Make sure she knows."

So I did what I swore I would never do. And I launched a contest. And I posted on Facebook about twenty times and I emailed everyone and their babysitter. And after the first night of announcing it, I burned a candle during my meditation and I heard that same Knowing arrive and say, "She hasn't gotten the message yet. You have to keep posting." So I set an alarm for early the next morning and posted it again, and again.

When it came time to write all of the names down on our slips of paper, I had this calm. I had this feeling that the person who needed this trip was there. I wrote the names down so quickly, I wasn't really paying attention. I was just writing and writing and handing them over to Lily to mix in the glass pitcher.

When Braedon opened his hand, and I saw her name, I gasped.


"Oh my God, yes." I whispered. And I swear to you I heard a voice in my heart whisper, "Thank you for bringing this to my Mom."

And then I put my hands on my heart, and I cried.

I first learned of Erin when someone on Facebook shared a blog post she had written. She had just lost her baby girl, Birdie, and bravely shared the story with the world through photographs and words.

Soul shaking.

Life changing.

Those images changed my life.

The moment Braedon selected her name I understood that this vacation, it was always hers (theirs)  to have (together).