my phone is about to die in three seconds an I feel like Kanye that time when he jumped on the mic all crazy and blurted out how Beyonce is the greatest of all time, but, I have to get this out into the atmosphere so it doesn't take up anymore space in my lungs. This trip is not what I thought. It is nothing like I expected or hoped. This journey has brought up every issue I have been ignoring and distracting myself from and then some. All the shadows, all the fears, all the leftover stuff from when I was like three and a half years old. Yup. All. Of. It. And some days I want to pack it all up and get on the next flight to somewhere where I don't have to do it anymore. Some days, I am so tired of being brave and untethered and I just want to buy my vegetables from someone who knows my name again or not be terrified that the water I am brushing my teeth with has deadly worms in it. But, and here's the part I have to set free, there's them. These two. These magical, incredible, beyond beautiful human beings. Someday they will be grown ups. And that's why I keep going. Someday they will be grown ups. That's why the plane tickets don't get purchased. Because I get to spend my days stuffed into a 25 foot closet with the most miraculous people I have ever met, and one day I won't, and that is everything to me. Even when they are sitting in the grass at Disney World arguing because he won't let her pick his nose. All of it. Every single second. Them.
belly freckle & juice box
I am comforted by life's stability, by earth's unchangeableness. What is new is only new to us. // Pearl S. Buck
A stillness comes, and the new, which no one knows, stands in the midst of it and is silent.
We stand in the middle of a transition where we cannot remain standing... And that is necessary. -Rilke
Yes. I know all about the glorification of disempowered females in Disney roles. But today I let that all go and just let her playfully live out her 4-year-old dreams. And it was pretty amazing. For us both.